Friday, January 28, 2011

WHAAAAAAAAT?!

So apparently, this is happening:

Baby #3!

I KNOW! Surprise! We've known for a very little while now, but this is still pretty much what the inside of my head looks like: !!!!!!!! I am almost 9 weeks pregnant, due at the beginning of September.  So three kids for us later this year, a new little person who belongs to us and our family.  Weirdly, a new baby was actually what we were hoping for this year but this feels like a big change to our plans.

We have a lot of conflicting feelings about all this coming down in the light of our adoption plans-- confusion, shock, befuddlement.  Oh wait, that is pretty much just one emotion, isn't it?  And then we have been pretty open about our path towards adoption with EVERYONE so it feels kind of embarrassing to now be explaining that I'm pregnant.  Yes, world, that's right-- an unplanned pregnancy. We know this doesn't mean we can never adopt a child, but we hadn't really decided we wanted more than 3 kids and we HAD really gotten ourselves mentally/emotionally prepared to adopt in the near future.  We had begun to have a picture of what this baby might look like, what parenting this baby might involve, who this baby would be, and now it feels like that baby we were ready to love doesn't exist anymore or that baby doesn't belong to our family.

I think some people we've told don't get why this news has left us off-kilter, and I will admit that, yes, we wanted a new baby this year and we are (Lord willing) going to have a new baby this year.  I think it must be a similar to what people who have fertility problems go through if they decide to adopt; I thought I was going to have Baby X but now I am going to have Baby Y.  I feel sad, I admit, for what we are not going to experience.

I am not sad about this new baby, though.  This baby is wanted, this baby is loved, this baby is welcome.  We are definitely in a phase of adjusting our expectations, but the person we are now expecting is an unlooked-for gift, an unanticipated blessing. We're in the process of embracing the unanticipated, as well as thinking through what this means for our original plans. Adopt in 2013 or so? Faux twins? Our paperwork is done but we are not approved yet so we have some time to think through things.  In the meantime, I had my first midwife appointment today and there was a tiny heartbeat flickering in this baby's chest as he or she (probably she-- I am pretty convinced) continued the long voyage from smattering of cells to new person. Safe journey, tiny baby; we love you.

15 comments:

Jacki said...

congratulations! and, surprise! :)

Carlie said...

Whoa. I did not see that coming! lol!

Happy Existence, small new one!

(and "faux twins" is a great term)

Colleen said...

WHOA! Welcome, Baby! :)

Juelle said...

So amazed and excited with you! Wow!!! Funny how our plans become so real before they happen... but four isn't really that many more than three :-) May God's wisdom guide you and may His hand protect each of the little ones in your family, wherever they are and however big or small they may be.

Eva said...

I've heard you talk about adoption long enough to understand your strange "disappointment". On the other hand, I am sure it won't take very long for you and Rob to figure out what you want to do about it in the future, and that your wonderful new baby will be loved and cared for... and who knows, maybe it is a boy this time.

So, my warmest congratulations!!!, it is great to hear that there is another beautiful Silge kid on the way.

emily* said...

Congratulations! I am so very excited for you and understand the confusion of unexpected changes to what you imagine your family to look like. But God is good and we will be praying for your newest little blessing on the way!!

Amy B said...

Wahoo!! Congrats on the tiny wee beeb!!! xo

Jill said...

Wow, congratulations! Happy for you and the new baby (or babies!).

Kris said...

Congratulations!

I vote for twins.

Ree said...

WOO HOO!! And I am LAUGHING! So understand your shock and sadness at the change in plans (I would totally feel the same way; I've told Matt that it's a weird feeling, after so long wanting to be pregnant to realize I'd be disappointed now b/c I've gotten really attached to the idea of adopting.)

But also thrilled for you all. And kind of hope it's a boy, but agree with you that it's probably a girl. Love you guys!

amydove said...

Wow, what a surprise!! I am so happy for you guys, and also totally get the weirdness! And I agree with previous commenters - faux twins would be cool. But then I don't have to raise them :)

Sharon said...

Congratulations! The baby is so blessed to have you as parents.

The House that Jak and Nick Built said...

Congrats! What an exciting turn of events. I can't wait to see how the Lord shapes your family.

angie.a said...

OMGosh again! :D There, now I'm comment post appropriate. This is so exciting and yes, completely unexpected! Congratulations, I know there's a plan and you're well-equipped to deal with all of it.

adrianne said...

Congratulations! I hope that this unexpected gift continues to expand your faith and trust in Him!