Thursday, March 10, 2011

A Bit of Spring

We are various levels of sick here at our house and Grace has missed half of her schooldays over the past two weeks, but goodness, I cannot mind it very much because it was sunny and balmy and warm today-- it even got to 60 degrees!  The sky was a blue I would like to paint my bedroom and the foot of snow we got a few days ago is almost entirely melted away and it smells amazing outside...  I am sure that winter is not finished with us here (after all, it snowed in April last year when we were here visiting) but oh, what a beautiful day!

We have been so lucky this winter about illnesses, hardly having gotten anything, but the germs caught up with us in the past month as it's been a merry-go-round of sickness at our house with various people getting various diseases.  Right now, I am recovering from a nasty cold and Grace has some kind of insane rash combined with cold symptoms. They might be unrelated to each other, I guess, and Rob has a complicated theory involving the amoxicillin she was taking for her strep throat and then her getting exposed to my cold virus and KABLAM! Crazy rash! Poor thing, she is old enough now to be self-conscious and unhappy about it.  I gave them a bath last night (usually Rob's job but he wasn't home) and it was quite a sight-- one naked porcelain-skinned child and one child covered face to feet in this unnerving rash.  Sheesh, I will be glad when it is gone.

I will also be glad when I am fully recovered from this cold.  During pregnancy, your immune system is suppressed a little to keep your body playing nice with the foreign organism growing inside of it, and for me, I find that this means a) I catch illnesses really easily and b) I get way more sick than I ought to from every little virus that comes our way.  I thought I was coming down with for-real influenza at the beginning of this cold, but thankfully not, just a bad cold.  Blech, just one more thing to add to the list of weird, miserable pregnancy symptoms (along with restless leg syndrome! and nasal congestion! and strange skin issues!). I do not win at being pregnant.

I have had a realization about myself when it comes to procreating.  (Well, it's not entirely new, but I have realized it with new clarity.)  I really REALLY dislike being pregnant.  I am not one of those women who feel all glowy and at one with their beautiful gestating bodies and just so happy about every minute of it.  I realize that this attitude is very much a function of how easy it has proved (soooooooo easy...) for us to conceive; I have not spent any appreciable amount of my life wishing and hoping that I was pregnant, like so many people we know and care about.  I know that this is a blessing, and if I had to choose between super-fertility/unexpected pregnancies and not getting pregnant for months or years when I wanted to be, I would definitely pick the way things have turned out.  I think that my friends who have struggled with infertility and gone on to get pregnant have a better sense of perspective about the misery of the whole thing, though. Although I think I should borrow some of that perspective and have a better attitude, I also think it is OK for me to say that yes, I really REALLY dislike being pregnant. It is what it is.  On the other hand, I really REALLY loooooooove newborn babies.  Seriously, there is just nothing like the wonder and the newness and the magic of a tiny new baby. It is enthralling and rapturous and leaves me blissed out, and yes, I am really looking forward to doing that again. I do win at babies!  I think the reality of a new baby is starting to sink in a bit for me.  I had a midwife appointment last Friday and she did another quick ultrasound.  The baby looked so much more, well, baby-like than even just 5 weeks before; you could see its heart pumping away (with four chambers visible!) and the baby wiggling and flailing around and the backbone and FINGERS and so much wee adorableness.

So there you go-- pregnancy sucks, I've obviously never struggled with post-partum depression, and we get to have a BABEEEEEEEEE...


Carlie said...

*chuckling* You make me smile. Nice to be honest and to also realize that your honest reality is different. :) Hooray for that tiny little wiggling person!

amydove said...

Well I have never been pregnant, but from my point of view there doesn't seem to be a lot to look forward to about the process!

Eva said...

Your stories make it clear to me that I was very lucky with my pregnancy. After that one time, I can firmly say that I do like being pregnant.

On the other hand, it's great that the joy of looking at those ultrasound images is universal. I never got enough of those.

Hope all of you get better soon!

Laura said...

I'm glad there are others out there who will admit that they don't like being pregnant either! I feel like that's something you're not supposed to admit. Apart from feeling the baby move and kick (which I LOVE), I have not enjoyed pregnancy one bit. The morning sickness and vomiting lasted well into my second trimester, and then a few weeks before my third trimester I started swelling, grew big enough to be uncomfortable and the extreme fatigue set in... so there were only a few weeks that I didn't feel terrible all of the time. And no one warns you about the crazy side effects of being pregnant! I really do love every little movement that I feel, knowing its our baby girl in there, but I just can't wait till she is born and I can have my body back!